


saying goodbye feels like the end

by StudioCapsicum



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, post 5x22 sneak peek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-17
Updated: 2018-05-17
Packaged: 2019-05-08 04:54:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14686905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StudioCapsicum/pseuds/StudioCapsicum
Summary: There was so much they could've had. So much they would've had.





	saying goodbye feels like the end

One moment she was dreaming of the future they could have had, sitting by a fireplace, her head resting on his shoulder. They’d smile together in the warmth, the comfort so rarely offered to them. The sky would be dark outside, the stars reflecting in his eyes like they were in a romance novel and he could whisk her away.

It was her imagination, she could make the rules.

He could kiss her forever, no interruptions this time. He could kiss her like he was drinking her in, like she was the air he was breathing. Like she was his lifeline.

No, he’d just kiss her sweetly, softly. That was safer. His lips against hers, mumbling, “I love you.” The quietest taste of whiskey on his tongue before she’d press her nose into the crook of his neck, breathing him in.

He’d be Phil, he’d make bad jokes, he’d whisper everything he loved about her, he’d say he was glad he stayed. He would be glad he stayed.

They’d spend the night together, soft lips against skin, eye contact burning through layers of clothing. The feeling of Phil, the man she’d loved forever. The knowledge that they were safe together, that they hadn’t lost each other, that they could trust one another.

Then there would be the morning, where she’d wake up in his arms. The smallest flutter of her eyelashes and he’d say, “You’re so beautiful.” She’d just stretch and burrow closer to him because they’d have all the time in the world.

“Let’s stay here forever,” he’d mumble into the side of her neck, his arms around her, her back flush against his chest.

 

* * *

 

“I’m just having a hard enough time leaving you behind.”

There was no fairness to this, there was no way to spin it. It was a cruel trick, to be allowed to love this man, but not be allowed to save him. If she could turn back time she’d take the Ghost Rider for him, she’d take the punishment. She’d take the New York job for him, she’d do anything for this to not be the end.

“So don’t.”

She said the words more resolutely than she felt them. How was she supposed to breathe when he wasn’t there anymore? What was she supposed to do when the man she loved left her? Again.

After everything they’d been through, they deserved their happy ending.

 

* * *

 

 

At the end of everything, she was stained with him. She watched as the stars left his eyes, and as he burned from the inside out. She watched as Phil Coulson left and she felt nothing. 

She’d rather be dead because there was nothing without him. 

At least then she’d have him.

 

* * *

 

She was thirteen years old, running through the grass. Sunlight filtered through the trees as laughter rang up through the clouds. 

Wildflowers danced in the breeze and her smile was radiant.

“Do you believe in curses?” Her friend had asked as they lay in the warm grass, contagious giggles and innocent eyes.

“Like in the stories?” She paused, her mind full of fairy tales, knights and their one true loves. “No, I think you’d have to really earn one. Nothing bad happens for no reason.”

 

* * *

There were flowers in a vase when she returned to her bunk, a note which read, “I love you.”

Too little, too late.


End file.
